While it is nearly after 1 in the morning and I am up typing and listening to Debussy and am planning to wake up at 5... I felt it necessary to blog!!
I just saw Black Swan. I am quit frankly obsessed. It was beautiful. Beautiful music, beautiful acting, beautiful dancing. I can't get over it. The whole concept of it. The strive for perfection. The obsession with perfection to the point of self mutilation.. I have never physically hurt myself, but I have definitely beat myself up over something I didn't do "perfect." I found myself identifying with Nina. It was such an amazing experience. I just can't even put into words what I am feeling!!
On a completely separate note, I spoke with Jimmy tonight about the possible future that we have been loosely planning. Until tonight, the only input I've received regarding our future was that he would be golfing professionally on the NGA and it may be in Florida. Seeing as my student teaching is approaching very quickly, I have been pressuring him to make these plans a little more definite. Tonight he actually did research on the NGA Hooter's Tour trying to determine which state he would like to live in and making plans for our future. It's nice to know that he's growing up and starting to be serious about stuff!! Just very reassuring.
Another thing on my mind lately is myself. HAHA not in the completely egotistical sense, but myself as in the way I perceive me. Perceptions can vary drastically from reality, and I have been struggling with the way I view myself. Please do not judge me, but I do not like the way I look. I honestly was happier with myself and more confident when I weighed 160 pounds than I do now 30 pounds lighter. I was talking to a good friend about this earlier and I think I have this expectation of where I want to be that anything less than that is just disgusting. Which, I just now had the revelation, ties back to Black Swan. Geez. this movie is seriously my obsession!!!
Well, I must complete this here. 5 AM is going to come swiftly.
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